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frustration
Jun. 14th, 2005 10:42 pmthe past week or so i have been so easily agitated and frustrated by everything. work pissed me off, my parents pissed me off, my house, my body, everything. i was so angry about everything and frustrated.
i was very unhappy this weekend. work work work. work at eckerd was so hard on sunday, and stressful. i am so glad i quit there. yeah i quit, but i dont know how long they will need me till they find someone new. hopefully this weekend is the end. nco has me scheduled 9-3 and eckerd has me scheduled 2:30-8:30. thats sort of annoying. i will ask nco to change first b/c theyre the ones that messed up the schedule. they promoted me today. i dindt really necessarily want it, but i guess i probably had to (not really a promotion then!). i asked what the pay raise was but they didnt know yet. they said the job would be essentially easier than the section i am working in now, which is a good thing. i told them i didnt planon being there for long anyway, but the dude didnt seem to mind. i start new training next week. at least it will be different for a while!
speaking of leaving. i am planing on going out to ca with travis. he wanted me to and i wasnt overly sure because i dont care for it out there, but i want to be with him. i havent really been sure what i want to do. i have been thinking a little bit about it lately. ive been getting frustrated with my parents and various things around the house. i have been so depressed and sad and hopeless. i dont see any future for me in this whole town. i think i need to get out of here. i havent made any progress in one year since i graduated college. travis has a relatively good job out there. he can line us up and apt and some cars. i can come out there and we can get our place and a car and i can find a job. i can try to apply where travis works, although i dont particularly want ot work in another pointless office environment (one in which i odnt care much for the subject matter at hand, at all!) but at least i will be some where with more opportunities--theoretically-- and be with him, and we will be on our own finally. which is probably something i should do one of these damn days!
Emrys seems to think it would be a good idea. While Ellie tried to talk me out of it. I told my mom and Ellie tonight--not really planning to but it came out. ALthough I had been stressing about it recently as I had really decided that was what i am going to do and so i had to think about telling people. Thats sort of a strange thing. I am here all alone, bored, with no future, a crappy job and i don't do anything all day pratically. And then when I decide to try to go out on my own again and change things, people are going to try to talk me out of it again. But what the hell!! What am I even doing here that is worth staying for??? I feel like I have to do something. Moving with travis to live on our own will definitely be different and a new chapter in our life. I am on pause right now. I guess I am thinking--why would people be upset about this when they dont even have anything to do with my daily life? I mean granted, Ellie does have the opportunity to see me every day, but still. I can't live my life based on what other people want or expect of me. They want me to stay here forever and get a random job and live with my parents or something. I need to move away. I need to try this independent thing I've heard and yapped so much about. I don't have a concept of what it is even like and I am a year out of college!
Other news, I am reading 1984 by George Orwell. It is pretty good. I went to Indiana over the weekend with Ellie and hung out at the mall while she took some tests. I ended up buying a bunch of stuff...I guess thats what happens when I am bored and alone in a mall for like 3 hours!
Travis got me a neclace and found my cds! Among other things. He made me a cd too. I asked him for the neclace. I've only had it one day and already it makes me happy.
*sigh* off to bed to go to another completely pointless day at the call center and at home.
i was very unhappy this weekend. work work work. work at eckerd was so hard on sunday, and stressful. i am so glad i quit there. yeah i quit, but i dont know how long they will need me till they find someone new. hopefully this weekend is the end. nco has me scheduled 9-3 and eckerd has me scheduled 2:30-8:30. thats sort of annoying. i will ask nco to change first b/c theyre the ones that messed up the schedule. they promoted me today. i dindt really necessarily want it, but i guess i probably had to (not really a promotion then!). i asked what the pay raise was but they didnt know yet. they said the job would be essentially easier than the section i am working in now, which is a good thing. i told them i didnt planon being there for long anyway, but the dude didnt seem to mind. i start new training next week. at least it will be different for a while!
speaking of leaving. i am planing on going out to ca with travis. he wanted me to and i wasnt overly sure because i dont care for it out there, but i want to be with him. i havent really been sure what i want to do. i have been thinking a little bit about it lately. ive been getting frustrated with my parents and various things around the house. i have been so depressed and sad and hopeless. i dont see any future for me in this whole town. i think i need to get out of here. i havent made any progress in one year since i graduated college. travis has a relatively good job out there. he can line us up and apt and some cars. i can come out there and we can get our place and a car and i can find a job. i can try to apply where travis works, although i dont particularly want ot work in another pointless office environment (one in which i odnt care much for the subject matter at hand, at all!) but at least i will be some where with more opportunities--theoretically-- and be with him, and we will be on our own finally. which is probably something i should do one of these damn days!
Emrys seems to think it would be a good idea. While Ellie tried to talk me out of it. I told my mom and Ellie tonight--not really planning to but it came out. ALthough I had been stressing about it recently as I had really decided that was what i am going to do and so i had to think about telling people. Thats sort of a strange thing. I am here all alone, bored, with no future, a crappy job and i don't do anything all day pratically. And then when I decide to try to go out on my own again and change things, people are going to try to talk me out of it again. But what the hell!! What am I even doing here that is worth staying for??? I feel like I have to do something. Moving with travis to live on our own will definitely be different and a new chapter in our life. I am on pause right now. I guess I am thinking--why would people be upset about this when they dont even have anything to do with my daily life? I mean granted, Ellie does have the opportunity to see me every day, but still. I can't live my life based on what other people want or expect of me. They want me to stay here forever and get a random job and live with my parents or something. I need to move away. I need to try this independent thing I've heard and yapped so much about. I don't have a concept of what it is even like and I am a year out of college!
Other news, I am reading 1984 by George Orwell. It is pretty good. I went to Indiana over the weekend with Ellie and hung out at the mall while she took some tests. I ended up buying a bunch of stuff...I guess thats what happens when I am bored and alone in a mall for like 3 hours!
Travis got me a neclace and found my cds! Among other things. He made me a cd too. I asked him for the neclace. I've only had it one day and already it makes me happy.
*sigh* off to bed to go to another completely pointless day at the call center and at home.
