hot

today is so hot and sticky.
i love the weekends, anything that gets me away from nco. over the weekend i am ok b/c i dont have to go there, but by monday i'm like--why the hell didnt i look for another job over the weekend. i dont undrestand why didnt do more to escape that stupid ass place!
i didnt do one shred of exercise this weekend. and its made me feel horrible.
i found out emily was in town saturday night online, she invited me to ice cream with her mom. it was okay but it didnt leave me feeling very good. she told me all these stories of this awesome stuff shes been doing and is about to do. i didnt feel like i could open up as much b/c her mom was there. then her mom got tired and they left. not that she has to, but she didnt seem interested in talking ot me anymore or anything like that. i guess i was just sort of disappointed by the whole experience. it left me feeling bad about my SHIT of a life and unwanted by emily. she didnt tell me she was coming in and only happened to talk to me online because she needed to show her mom how to do something on IM. bleh. who knows. i'm probably just being really oversensitive about some of it. i hate my job, i hate my life, i hate my body.
at least i have some distractions in life.
we'll see what happens this week. if anything happens.

busy busy

-i am scheduled to work at both jobs on saturday. (thats 10 hours of unwanted work--i loathe working on weekends, its not worth it for either of those jobs!)
-i was invited to go to an amusement park on monday with some people from college, but it is 4-5 hours away so it would require spending the night sunday or tuesday night.
-i was invited to go to an amusement park sunday with my cousins and grandpa.
-i was invited to go to an amusement park saturday with jessica.
-i was requested to go to indiana on saturday with my cousin who has to take some tests.

what the hell!?!??!
why does EVERYONE want me to do EVERYTHING this upcoming weekend. when i didnt do a damn thing this weekend at all! argh. people need to get together with their scheduling me to do stuff.
my lowest priority is the damn jobs that have me scheduled. i'm going to try tomorow to get out of both of them. and i'm counting on that.
i will probably end up going to indiana with ellie, then off to allentown sunday to go to the amusement park on monday (provided i also get off monday from nco). id love to go to kennywood with jess on sat, but its not really feasable because of everything else. i really should have planned something this weekend because i didnt actually have to work. and who knows if i will get off any weekend coming up! i really want to go to pittsburgh and see jess, and maybe visit some other people like emrys, miranda, jonathan. but these stupid jobs are getting in my damn way. i really need to have the weekends (or any two specific days) off and be able to depend on that. how else am i ever going to get to see anyone!??? i HATE my jobs.
i want to see people and do things i want! argh.
anyway, it makes me feel good at least to be so popular with everyone that they invited me everywhere this weekend (except of course my jobs didnt invite me, nor do they like me that much!)