(no subject)

Today I slept in, so I cancelled my counselling appointment. I felt kind of bad about it, but we rescheduled it. Although I really feel like I have nothing to talk about to her. I mean, what can I say....I haven't done anything new, nothings changed, I haven't grown or gotten better or happier and everything still is crappy and unhappy. I imagine she's probably sick of rehashing the same stuff every time I talk to her. Blah, more about that later sometime.
Had EM lab today; it was insanely boring. Nobody really knew how to do the problems and Fisher just leaves for like an hour. I had no clue how to do the problems. I wish I was really smart so I could take the initiative and do them and help people with them (and get us out of there in shorter than THREE FRELLING HOURS). But alas, I was confused through the end, and learned nothing. Except that I'm stupid and that physics frustrates me to no end, and I should get help. But really, I dont because I dont think that I can *ever* understand this stuff. I don't think its possible for it ever to make sense to me. And I would feel bad asking anyone to help me, due to how much I really need help with.
I didn't eat dinner alone today. When I got there Christy asked me to sit with her and Jim. Which was nice of her; I was somewhat suprised. Tis always good to not sit alone, and I talked to Christy a bit, which isn't something I really do.
I had my radio show today; I burned a new cd for it, which pleased me as I played some new songs tonight. I dont think anyones listening but I get sick of playing the same albums and bands every week.
No new Buffy tonight. Emrys came to visit, as its his spring break this week. We talked and went to get food (yay my first trip in my car!) and watched Farscape and Buffy. It was okay; I may write more on that later. Its late tho so I must be off. Tomorow is Wednesday which equals five frelling classes. Too much dren on Wednesdays. I never get anything done. Not that I get anything done any other day. I havent done work for like two weeks. And I have a history test on Friday. I'm frelled for that. But I dont know if I care. I'm so behind in homework, but its all so boring to me and uninteresting and pointless I cant really force myeslf to do it.
Going to bed is hard sometimes too. But I know I will regret it if I stay up late, and once I'm asleep I enjoy it. So off I go.

(no subject)

Ok, this stupid thing is pissing me off! I just wrote a huge entry, about like everything, and it lost it. Frelling website. Well I'm not writing it over.
Sum up: school is depressing and I wish I could do to better in it. friend situation is also depressing and I wish it would change.
Alright, I'm too annoyed to write more after losing everythign I had written, so I'm done.
Maybe I'll write again later today.

(no subject)

I think I figured something out. It's not big or revolutionary or really anything. But I realized...I think a significant part of me being so unhappy and depressed lately is due to the fact that I really don't have any relationships with people, here at college anyway. Barring my family, the only other people I have good relationships with, in my opinion are Jessica, Emily and Emrys. And some of those have been somewhat strained recently. Yeah I talk to other people too, online, like Miranda and Jonathan, but theyre not really part of my life anymore, and its hard to be close to someone who you never see, and have no chance of seeing. Here at college the only person I would say I have any kind of relationship with is Julia really. Which seems to go back and forth to me from time to time anyway. Yeah, I talk to other people here, but I dont really have a relationship with them, or even Julie for that matter. I dont know. I just was thinking today about how I used to talk about all this interesting stuff with people and enjoy it immensely. How happier it makes me to interact with people, how exciting it is to get to know people and how rewarding it is to have friends. And how I don't have any of that now.