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The Beginning
Mar. 10th, 2003 06:10 pmI've decided to start one of these thingies because I have been wanting to write for a while, and numerous people have suggested I write, try to write every day. They say it helps, so I guess we're going to see if it helps me or not. I pondered just writing stuff and saving it on my computer, but I figured this would be something I would be more likely to do more often than that. I'm not really writing here for other people to read it. I don't plan on giving this out generally. I don't care if strangers read it, but I don't know if my friends would necessarily benefit from reading it.
I just got back to school from spring break. Spring break was okay, but fast. I didn't do anything. I went to the movies and out to eat with Jess and Emily, which was nice. It was good to actually spend time with people I felt comfortable around and could be myself more or less. It's a good feeling to know I still have friends, or have people that used to be good friends at least.
Now I'm back at school and as unhappy as I was before. I've been thinking that I am getting, maybe bored with, science. I'm not sure what it is though, I just am not really interested in it lately. But then again, I don't know if I'm intersted in much of anything lately. Maybe writing more will help me figure things out and maybe even do more. Who knows.
My roommate wasn't here yesterday or this morning, which I must admit was good, and bad too. Good because I could watch tv as late as I wanted and play music or just do whatever I wanted. Good also because I wasn't subjected to nysync, rap or MTV for a while, which is always a relief. But I think it was bad because I just felt really crappy because I was alone like all day and I had no one to talk to or share anything with or socialize with at all. Which generally leads to me feeling bad and then just not caring and just being numb and shutting everything off. Which is probably bad.
I was quite proud of myself yesterday for driving the whole way back to school and not getting lost or anything. And I'm quite thrilled to have a car at school; I'm dying to go somewhere! Although I really don't know where I would go, and I don't know if I can bring myself to go somewhere by myself, unless its for something I need.
I feel so lost and unhappy again, like I did before spring break. I don't know how to change. I'm driving myself mad with frustration and unhappiness. I can't escape my apathy. I think that writing here might actually help me, because its at least somewhere I can express my feelings and sort them out. Which is something I probably really need to do.
Ah, well this one was pretty much just about me and life and stuff, but I am sure in the future there will be posts comprised entirely of me yapping about Buffy or Farscape or some such thing. Which are also very important feelings I need to express, no? Well, I think so, so I'm going to do it. But now, I'm going to go to class soon.
I just got back to school from spring break. Spring break was okay, but fast. I didn't do anything. I went to the movies and out to eat with Jess and Emily, which was nice. It was good to actually spend time with people I felt comfortable around and could be myself more or less. It's a good feeling to know I still have friends, or have people that used to be good friends at least.
Now I'm back at school and as unhappy as I was before. I've been thinking that I am getting, maybe bored with, science. I'm not sure what it is though, I just am not really interested in it lately. But then again, I don't know if I'm intersted in much of anything lately. Maybe writing more will help me figure things out and maybe even do more. Who knows.
My roommate wasn't here yesterday or this morning, which I must admit was good, and bad too. Good because I could watch tv as late as I wanted and play music or just do whatever I wanted. Good also because I wasn't subjected to nysync, rap or MTV for a while, which is always a relief. But I think it was bad because I just felt really crappy because I was alone like all day and I had no one to talk to or share anything with or socialize with at all. Which generally leads to me feeling bad and then just not caring and just being numb and shutting everything off. Which is probably bad.
I was quite proud of myself yesterday for driving the whole way back to school and not getting lost or anything. And I'm quite thrilled to have a car at school; I'm dying to go somewhere! Although I really don't know where I would go, and I don't know if I can bring myself to go somewhere by myself, unless its for something I need.
I feel so lost and unhappy again, like I did before spring break. I don't know how to change. I'm driving myself mad with frustration and unhappiness. I can't escape my apathy. I think that writing here might actually help me, because its at least somewhere I can express my feelings and sort them out. Which is something I probably really need to do.
Ah, well this one was pretty much just about me and life and stuff, but I am sure in the future there will be posts comprised entirely of me yapping about Buffy or Farscape or some such thing. Which are also very important feelings I need to express, no? Well, I think so, so I'm going to do it. But now, I'm going to go to class soon.
