ghanimasun (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ghanimasun) wrote2007-08-22 10:51 pm
ghanimasun) wrote2007-08-22 10:51 pm
living alone and being alone
I do feel better living alone. I am enjoying it for the most part. I am still learning how to be productive and manage my time, which I have never been good at. And I'm also still doing my best not to procrastinate and be lazy. Every day I am trying to do something good for my body (lifting some weights, going for a walk, etc) and something good for my mind (reading a book, studying for gre's, etc). And if I don't do it one day, it's not a big deal. I'm not beating myself up over that. But I just make sure I try harder the next day to do it.
My mind has been polluted by the internet, instant gratification world and I sometimes find it hard to focus on things that are simple or slow, like reading a book, or organizing my stuff. It just isn't entertaining enough. And I don't like feeling like that. So I'm trying to sort of slow myself down some, if that makes sense. And focus on simpler, productive and enjoyable things. Like reading. And being less stupid. And taking a walk.
I'm not a good writer. In fact I feel like I hate writing. I hate writing well, that is. I don't want to be all flowy and make everything make sense. So I tend to switch topics randomly and quickly. I am not trying to connect my ideas or make sense of the shit that pours out of me when I type. So if my writing is annoying or doesn't make sense or confusing or bland, or missing something, or convoluted, or anything else....it is simply because I don't care. I hate writing and I'm not going get much better at it.
I really want to get some furniture for my apartment. It feels so empty and boring and without any character or personality. In particular, my living room, which I quite like and think could be awesome. But now its just a big room with a bunch of stuff strewn on the floor. But I feel selfish and wasteful for wanting and getting furniture. That might be related to my occasional lack of self worth and value. Who am I that I need a couch, and chairs and lamps and bookcases and desks? It's not worth all the money. No one will see it and I've managed without it so far. I know that's not true, but the thoughts come to me and they dissuade me from splurging. Perhaps thats a good thing, because another part of me thinks, I'll just get another credit card and get some awesome furniture for my apartment then I'll be set. I'll stop spending after that, really. That is also not a good idea. So I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. Which is likely the best. Get some cheaper and good furniture over time, as I have the money.
BUT I want it now!
At work I listen to a variety of podcasts. I must do this, because my mind will go crazy if all I have to do is my work. My work isn't that difficult and it definitely isn't enough to require my full attention the entire day to complete. My work is completely repetitious and stupid. But its easy enough. Anyway, the podcasts. Some of them are quite interesting, informative and funny. (And I'm not much for funny, so they must be good, right?). One is a radio show that Travis listened to in California. It's pretty funny usually, and interesting, but it can be frustrating and annoying because it is a radio show and they still have to appeal to the radio show listeners. Another is one about skeptical science. It's a group of scientists and science interested people who talk about psuedo science, paranormal, supernatural sorts of things. They make fun of these things generally, but they also tell you why they are illogical, irrational and make pretty much no sense at all. They talk about logic, science, rationality, and its very interesting. I've learned alot of good science from it, and heard a lot of crazy shit that people actually believe. And it's nice to hear people talk about science. I don't know anyone in this town, but I don't think it would be easy to find people around here who are that into science. Another podcast I really like is one that I find very funny (Travis finds it very unfunny, so take your pick). Unfortunately I'm not smart enough to describe it properly. It's two guys in Los Angeles, basically talking about stuff in the news, on tv, on their minds. Mostly its ironic humor I guess. I don't know what it is exactly, but it makes me laugh a lot. And there are a few programs (mostly from NPR) that are shows about different sorts of stories. Sort of like documentaries, but not really. Just stories they've collected about a specfic topic (like music, stress, zoos, memory, etc) and they are very interesting. But not usually as funny or scientific as the ones I prefer.
So if you are ever interested in listening to a podcast when you have free time, like at the gym or just in general, drop me a line for some suggestions. I listen to them all day at work, every day. Not that I am the fucking all knowing person of all the podcasts out there, but I've definitely listened to a few, and know which ones I think are funny.
I also found out that one of the guys from the Skeptics Guide podcast I like died recently. That was really suprising and I was suprised at how much it sort of shocked me. I guess its sad that I spend so much time with the podcasting people that I feel sort of interested in them as people.
It's sad because I have no people in my life.
And yes, I know that is my fault. But that doesn't mean its so simple to fix.
Being broke sucks. But living alone is pretty cool so far.
My mind has been polluted by the internet, instant gratification world and I sometimes find it hard to focus on things that are simple or slow, like reading a book, or organizing my stuff. It just isn't entertaining enough. And I don't like feeling like that. So I'm trying to sort of slow myself down some, if that makes sense. And focus on simpler, productive and enjoyable things. Like reading. And being less stupid. And taking a walk.
I'm not a good writer. In fact I feel like I hate writing. I hate writing well, that is. I don't want to be all flowy and make everything make sense. So I tend to switch topics randomly and quickly. I am not trying to connect my ideas or make sense of the shit that pours out of me when I type. So if my writing is annoying or doesn't make sense or confusing or bland, or missing something, or convoluted, or anything else....it is simply because I don't care. I hate writing and I'm not going get much better at it.
I really want to get some furniture for my apartment. It feels so empty and boring and without any character or personality. In particular, my living room, which I quite like and think could be awesome. But now its just a big room with a bunch of stuff strewn on the floor. But I feel selfish and wasteful for wanting and getting furniture. That might be related to my occasional lack of self worth and value. Who am I that I need a couch, and chairs and lamps and bookcases and desks? It's not worth all the money. No one will see it and I've managed without it so far. I know that's not true, but the thoughts come to me and they dissuade me from splurging. Perhaps thats a good thing, because another part of me thinks, I'll just get another credit card and get some awesome furniture for my apartment then I'll be set. I'll stop spending after that, really. That is also not a good idea. So I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. Which is likely the best. Get some cheaper and good furniture over time, as I have the money.
BUT I want it now!
At work I listen to a variety of podcasts. I must do this, because my mind will go crazy if all I have to do is my work. My work isn't that difficult and it definitely isn't enough to require my full attention the entire day to complete. My work is completely repetitious and stupid. But its easy enough. Anyway, the podcasts. Some of them are quite interesting, informative and funny. (And I'm not much for funny, so they must be good, right?). One is a radio show that Travis listened to in California. It's pretty funny usually, and interesting, but it can be frustrating and annoying because it is a radio show and they still have to appeal to the radio show listeners. Another is one about skeptical science. It's a group of scientists and science interested people who talk about psuedo science, paranormal, supernatural sorts of things. They make fun of these things generally, but they also tell you why they are illogical, irrational and make pretty much no sense at all. They talk about logic, science, rationality, and its very interesting. I've learned alot of good science from it, and heard a lot of crazy shit that people actually believe. And it's nice to hear people talk about science. I don't know anyone in this town, but I don't think it would be easy to find people around here who are that into science. Another podcast I really like is one that I find very funny (Travis finds it very unfunny, so take your pick). Unfortunately I'm not smart enough to describe it properly. It's two guys in Los Angeles, basically talking about stuff in the news, on tv, on their minds. Mostly its ironic humor I guess. I don't know what it is exactly, but it makes me laugh a lot. And there are a few programs (mostly from NPR) that are shows about different sorts of stories. Sort of like documentaries, but not really. Just stories they've collected about a specfic topic (like music, stress, zoos, memory, etc) and they are very interesting. But not usually as funny or scientific as the ones I prefer.
So if you are ever interested in listening to a podcast when you have free time, like at the gym or just in general, drop me a line for some suggestions. I listen to them all day at work, every day. Not that I am the fucking all knowing person of all the podcasts out there, but I've definitely listened to a few, and know which ones I think are funny.
I also found out that one of the guys from the Skeptics Guide podcast I like died recently. That was really suprising and I was suprised at how much it sort of shocked me. I guess its sad that I spend so much time with the podcasting people that I feel sort of interested in them as people.
It's sad because I have no people in my life.
And yes, I know that is my fault. But that doesn't mean its so simple to fix.
Being broke sucks. But living alone is pretty cool so far.
no subject