ghanimasun (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ghanimasun) wrote2006-10-31 11:11 pm
ghanimasun) wrote2006-10-31 11:11 pm
halloween
as usual, i am going nuts.
i have been sort of job searching (for a "real" job) online the past few days. it both makes me feel good, because i am actually doing it, and working on it and being active, and it makes me feel bad because i haven't even found anything i am qualified to apply for yet, let alone come close to actually getting the job! its so frustrating and disheartening. i dont know where to look for jobs that i would qualify for, and I don't know what to do. i am afraid of getting another lame, uninteresting, unimportant job. but i am almost as afraid of staying here forever, for too much longer. our current job is going to end soon. we have to fix the car (that is goign to be so much money, and i keep putting it off, which i think is probably bad for the car) and we have to save up enough money to afford moving. UGH. so stressful, and even moreso, very frustrating.
all the stress (plus more) is wearing on travis in a bad way. lots of physical manifestations from the stress, and he just ends up getting more stresesd out and upset about those. he doesnt know how to relax himself, and it doesn't help anything.
i just wish i had a clue, and some power, and some skills. i'm so disappointed with myself.
i dont know how to find a job. and yes, i realize i am always saying this, and always wishing to/trying to find a job. thats because i never learn everything, i never get better, i never improve, develop, or do anything. i'm hopeless case that can't stop bitching about the same old things, and also that can't actually accomplish a damned thing.
well i cant let myself get too upset, becaue that doesnt help. i have to chill, relax, and try to take it easy most of the time. i know i need to and (sometimes) how to relax myself. letting all this stress get to me all the time would make me feel horrible (as travis is happening with travis).
i have been sort of job searching (for a "real" job) online the past few days. it both makes me feel good, because i am actually doing it, and working on it and being active, and it makes me feel bad because i haven't even found anything i am qualified to apply for yet, let alone come close to actually getting the job! its so frustrating and disheartening. i dont know where to look for jobs that i would qualify for, and I don't know what to do. i am afraid of getting another lame, uninteresting, unimportant job. but i am almost as afraid of staying here forever, for too much longer. our current job is going to end soon. we have to fix the car (that is goign to be so much money, and i keep putting it off, which i think is probably bad for the car) and we have to save up enough money to afford moving. UGH. so stressful, and even moreso, very frustrating.
all the stress (plus more) is wearing on travis in a bad way. lots of physical manifestations from the stress, and he just ends up getting more stresesd out and upset about those. he doesnt know how to relax himself, and it doesn't help anything.
i just wish i had a clue, and some power, and some skills. i'm so disappointed with myself.
i dont know how to find a job. and yes, i realize i am always saying this, and always wishing to/trying to find a job. thats because i never learn everything, i never get better, i never improve, develop, or do anything. i'm hopeless case that can't stop bitching about the same old things, and also that can't actually accomplish a damned thing.
well i cant let myself get too upset, becaue that doesnt help. i have to chill, relax, and try to take it easy most of the time. i know i need to and (sometimes) how to relax myself. letting all this stress get to me all the time would make me feel horrible (as travis is happening with travis).