ghanimasun (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ghanimasun) wrote2005-08-05 01:50 am
ghanimasun) wrote2005-08-05 01:50 am
california almost 2 weeks
So I'm in California.
Arrived last Saturday, almost missed my first flight, its sort of a story but already an old and tired one....not worth repeating. All I've done here is watch tv. I've been extremely bored. Travis and I are living with his parents again (in a different apt however). And they, nor us, have a car, so it's the bus for everyone! I'm not overly fond of that however, because I find riding the bus to be confusing, difficult and stressful. As a result I have not gone anywhere myself yet (thus I obviously don't have a job). Tomorow however I am making my first attempt to go out on my own. An interview of some sort with a job finding place Travis' friend reccomended.
Last week we did go to a casino here in CA. It was sort of dull really, as I'm not a gambler and there was nothing else to do except eat or drink. (Travis and I had dinner and his friend played poker.) Luckily Travis has a job and enjoys it to some extent. I dont really enjoy anything these days. I'm extremely depressed and uninterested in almost every aspect of life. I'm so anxious to have a car and apt, but I havent been willing yet to do what it will take to get a job---ride the bus alone to places I dont know where I'm going nor do I understand how to ride the stupid crazy bus system!
Of course, I don't think sitting around in the apt all day every day is helping me be more active or feel better about things. Yeah, its probably making them worse. But that just makes it harder to stop doing that!
I can't believe it's been almost two weeks (two weeks on Saturday). I haven't done anything. This second week FLEW by so fast!
I can't imagine anything that will make me really happy for a while right now.
So I just hold on to the little things that distract me or make me happy sometimes.
I wish I felt better.
It's depressing being so depressed.
Arrived last Saturday, almost missed my first flight, its sort of a story but already an old and tired one....not worth repeating. All I've done here is watch tv. I've been extremely bored. Travis and I are living with his parents again (in a different apt however). And they, nor us, have a car, so it's the bus for everyone! I'm not overly fond of that however, because I find riding the bus to be confusing, difficult and stressful. As a result I have not gone anywhere myself yet (thus I obviously don't have a job). Tomorow however I am making my first attempt to go out on my own. An interview of some sort with a job finding place Travis' friend reccomended.
Last week we did go to a casino here in CA. It was sort of dull really, as I'm not a gambler and there was nothing else to do except eat or drink. (Travis and I had dinner and his friend played poker.) Luckily Travis has a job and enjoys it to some extent. I dont really enjoy anything these days. I'm extremely depressed and uninterested in almost every aspect of life. I'm so anxious to have a car and apt, but I havent been willing yet to do what it will take to get a job---ride the bus alone to places I dont know where I'm going nor do I understand how to ride the stupid crazy bus system!
Of course, I don't think sitting around in the apt all day every day is helping me be more active or feel better about things. Yeah, its probably making them worse. But that just makes it harder to stop doing that!
I can't believe it's been almost two weeks (two weeks on Saturday). I haven't done anything. This second week FLEW by so fast!
I can't imagine anything that will make me really happy for a while right now.
So I just hold on to the little things that distract me or make me happy sometimes.
I wish I felt better.
It's depressing being so depressed.