ghanimasun (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ghanimasun) wrote2005-06-28 01:41 pm
ghanimasun) wrote2005-06-28 01:41 pm
what a mess
last saturday i worked two jobs, and now i don't have any job!
after successfully quitting both my jobs, i am left job free.
i wasnt going to be forced into doing outbound calls at NCO for no raise and crappier bonuses, and after being lied to and given no respect as an employee. So i quit. i wasnt the only person in the group to quit. i would have been okay just going on doing the same boring shit i had been doing, but alas, they did not want me there so they lost me.
this weekend i went to maryland to visit jonathan. it was alright, although i did spend a hell of a lot of money, that i really didnt have to spend. i mean, i did have the money, but i should have been more thrifty, by far.
and now everything's fucked up.
i'm jobless, i have like no money. well i have money but not enough money to move and survive on while i'm looking for a job. my life is such a fucking mess. what a joke.
i really have ruined everything.
and quite frankly i feel the same: sad, depressed, hopeless. and now i'm fat and a failure too.
is it bad to give up at my age?
sometimes i feel like i should be more depresesd than i am and i dont know why i'm not. i want to or i feel like i should feel worse than i do. but i dont feel as bad as i feel is possible for me to feel.
i'm such a failure and i hate myself so much. i know i wont ever change andmy life is already too fucked up to save.
i'll never have a career or control or any clue what i am doing.
what is seriously wrong with me?
the only thing i can hold onto is how much i love travis. although i just end up taking stuff out on him or arguing anyway. but i sitll love him and hes the only thing i have faith in. i know we'll be together forever. even if we never see each other again.
i'm such a mess.
after successfully quitting both my jobs, i am left job free.
i wasnt going to be forced into doing outbound calls at NCO for no raise and crappier bonuses, and after being lied to and given no respect as an employee. So i quit. i wasnt the only person in the group to quit. i would have been okay just going on doing the same boring shit i had been doing, but alas, they did not want me there so they lost me.
this weekend i went to maryland to visit jonathan. it was alright, although i did spend a hell of a lot of money, that i really didnt have to spend. i mean, i did have the money, but i should have been more thrifty, by far.
and now everything's fucked up.
i'm jobless, i have like no money. well i have money but not enough money to move and survive on while i'm looking for a job. my life is such a fucking mess. what a joke.
i really have ruined everything.
and quite frankly i feel the same: sad, depressed, hopeless. and now i'm fat and a failure too.
is it bad to give up at my age?
sometimes i feel like i should be more depresesd than i am and i dont know why i'm not. i want to or i feel like i should feel worse than i do. but i dont feel as bad as i feel is possible for me to feel.
i'm such a failure and i hate myself so much. i know i wont ever change andmy life is already too fucked up to save.
i'll never have a career or control or any clue what i am doing.
what is seriously wrong with me?
the only thing i can hold onto is how much i love travis. although i just end up taking stuff out on him or arguing anyway. but i sitll love him and hes the only thing i have faith in. i know we'll be together forever. even if we never see each other again.
i'm such a mess.