all in one

[ghanimasun]

- I finished watching the UK show Black Books today. I had been meaning to watch it for a while, but just discovered it was on Netflix recently, so that made it quite easy to breeze through. It's a funny show and I'm glad I finally got to see it.

- I tried to dye my hair today. I say try because most of it didn't actually turn out dyed. Parts of it are redder but mostly it's still just the same old brown that it was before. 

- I've found myself incredibly depressed often lately. No significant explanations for this, but sometimes a bunch of little things end up making me feel like shit and everything terrible.

- I watched the two episodes of a UK program called Black Mirror tonight. Interesting and disturbing at the same time.

- Apparently the new Sherlock season begins January 1. Despite the fact that I am completely irrationally invested in the Sherlock/John ship, I am not excited. I'm mostly worried and stressed. Reasons being: I don't trust Moffat in any way and expect there to be at least some amounts of gross sexism; and also the likelihood (which seems to be an almost certainty) of a Sherlock/Irene romantic relationship is inappropriately upsetting to me. Although I have considered making long wanky posts about this whole mess, since it's so close to finally airing,  I'm just going to not bother and wait till I actually see the new season to comment on Sherlock much more.

Comments

[kungfuwaynewho.livejournal.com]

Black Books! I love that show. The one where they drink all the cheap dusty wine is my favorite.

[ghanimasun]

That one was great. It took me a while to get into it, but I really loved it.

[gymx.livejournal.com]

I've been struggling with my annual "fuck christmas, who thought that was a good idea?" dark cloud lately. I think it's under control; I hopefully won't be a grump. This is a depressive time of year, unless you have a job that gets you outside in the limited daylight. But only a few more days and they start getting longer again!

[ghanimasun]

I'm glad you're not feeling too shitty due to the holidays.

Actually christmas stuff doesn't bother me at all, and I usually kind of like it. (I think this probably has at least something to do with the fact that I don't have much family to deal with and therefore a lot less drama).

The lack of daylight definitely fucks me up though. Can't wait for the days to start getting longer.

long, obtuse comment is long and obtuse

[gymx.livejournal.com]

It's not the family per se, unless you count my dad, and then it's ALL family. My kid has this memory that christmas is like all the other times where I was responsible for keeping everybody happy, only times ten. And that's ALL it was. Resentment from having to fake it built until I became very bitter.

I did some very angry writing about it and it seems to have helped. I think it just needed to get out, and I never allowed myself to do that before. It was surreal, as everything concerning the kid is, b/c I was letting myself be angry with myself in order to forgive myself. And I had to take it gracefully and not get angry back. You know? Of course not, b/c it doesn't even make sense to me ;) But that's self-parenting; stuff you didn't get when you needed it, that you can't go back and re-do, and that it's inappropriate to recreate by nonconsenually involving other people in your emotional drama (literally drama, as in a play, as in "acting out"). But like I said, I think it helped, b/c I no longer am feeling rage and melancholy and self-pity. I just feel tired.

In all honesty, I expect I'll still feel rather solemn. These things aren't fixed in a day. But I'm hoping at least I won't be sullen, withdrawn and self-loathing. It will probably take a couple more years to really feel improvement. But after--what? a decade?--away from him, to finally address this was satisfying.

There. Now everyone who reads your journal for fandom stuff knows about the emotional problems of the inner child of a complete stranger. Annnnd I just noticed it's a public post, so I may be deleting this after a bit. Fair warning.