ghanimasun (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ghanimasun) wrote2003-08-31 02:05 am
ghanimasun) wrote2003-08-31 02:05 am
i shoulda got q-tips.
Thank goodness for Orajel. Maximum strength Orajel, that is. My tooth is so frelled up. Which is bad. I am pissed at this fact. My toothache is over two days old, and not going away. I took a lot of tylenol yesterday (friday), and after someone telling me some stuff about that, I got worried that I was taking too much tylenol (but I don't think I had a dangerous amount in me really). The orajel has worked for a while, though I just had to reapply it. Hopefully it kicks in again soon. This kind of pain sucks. I hate it. I'd rather have a cold, or anythign else. But I suppose all the other kinds of pain I've ahd before go away eventually, and this hasn't! And won't until I see a freaking dentist. And OF COURSE monday is a freaking holiday, so I hvae to wait till TUESDAY, to *hopefully* end my suffering. Although I can imagine that whatever the diagnosis is will piss me the hell off and will be very bad, and scare the shit out of me and make me depressed and angry. As this has already.
And yes I'm aware that most people that might be reading this probably don't give a damn about my dental problems, but oh well. I need to bitch about it somewhere, and I like to document things. I'm weird like that.
Frelling tooth pain sucks. I am so mad at myself. But Orajel kicks ass. Excpet that it wears off eventually. That's less good.
Ok, I'm feeling pretty tired right now. But hey, seriously now....when has that ever stopped me? I always ignore being tired. Well not anymore. On weeknights I long to be tired, cos then I can actually go to bed and fall asleep fast. But when there's something I really want to do or if I really don't have to get up early, screw tired.
And dude, I'm hungry. I know I've gained a lot of weight and I should be cutting back, but eating one meal and an apple is seriously not enough. Even if I don't do anything all day, I need more food!
Tooth pain is subsiding, so now I can yap about other issues.
My first weekend (so far) at college has taught me that I haven't really changed at all. Well internally maybe, but I haven't done anything particularly new or different, as far as interacting with people. The people Iknow that is. I haven't really talked more or been more involved. It has occured to me more to maybe try to percieve how other people percieve me here. I don't know if I'm doing a good job of it or not. I figure people percieve me much differently than I feel or thought I came accross. People, (by people, I mean the majority of people who actually notice me on this campus) probably think I either like being alone, because I'm alone so much and withdrawn sometimes, or they think there must be something awful or wrong about me since no one seems to be spending any time with me. Now I seriously doubt many people on this campus actually think about me (although at times some people or teachers seem to recognize me or my name more than I would have expected them to). But its bad that, if I do, I project the image that I want to be alone or not be with people. It's obvious to me that this is not true, but it has recently occured to me, that it's probably not as obvious to the rest of humanity.
On Thursday I went to the fencing lessons they have at the YMCA here. I almost started dance lessons. I decided it was a toss up between the two, but dance lessosn got nixed as I read more about the studio. NOt really worth going on about that, but the fencing lesson was interesting. Not a lot of people there--which I was happy about. I plan on going back next thursday. It is vaguely exciting and positive that I've talked to new people for once. Yay, talking to people.
This weekend has also slapped me in the face with the fact that I don't actually know anyone on this campus or have real relationships with anyone. Ok, yes that isn't new. But its depressing and I felt very lonely and unhappy.
Sometimes I don't feel like I have relationships with anyone outside of my family. I don't know when the last time I've connected with anyone, in anyway, was. Well, actually, I imagine that it ended some when things ended with Rob. He's basically the person that's on this campus right now that has ever known me better than anyone else on this campus now. But he doesn't talk to me anymore, nor does he give any indication that he wants to ever.
Randomly off topic-ish....
I need to remember the ideas I acquired over the summer. Live life. Don't be afraid of things. Try new things. And freaking talk more. Don't be afraid to make a food out of myself.
Change.
And get in shape! (remembering my gut and trying to find some clothes that still fit me every morning are reminders enough fo that, although I havent done anything yet to alter it).
It's almost three am.
I would've gone to bed a while ago, but I started talking to Miranda (and eventually Emrys some) on IM. Miranda's one of those who I still feel I have some kind of real relationship with. Emrys too sometimes.
Dude, I just remembered--the other night I had a dream with Rob in it. The main part I remmeber is that I was going to a guitar lesson, i dont know if I was at school or not though. Anyway I was walking to the store where my guitar lesson was (and I had a weird looking guitar case, taht had a big picture of a guitar on it or something. And even though it was obviously shaped like a guitar, it annoyed me that the picture was there blatantly telling everyone what it was) And Rob was there already, with a big weird horn. Kind of like a french horn size, but not really like one. And I was like woah, I didn't know he played an instrument. Then i was like, should I leave or somehow avoid him, cos I suspected that it might not be pleasant for him to see me. But then I remember being there next to him, but I dont remember how he reacted. Ok, thats all I remember.
I had another dream with my roommate from Georgia, Cece in it. And I think the title character fromteh show The Nanny was there too. And I think someone else I know was in it, but I forget now. Yeah I dont really remember thatdream.
It's weird how this stuff is so clear and memorable when you wake up, but then later on or the next day and its gone. I don't understand how it can fade like that.
Right now, I'm mostly-generally-worried about my tooth.
I'm looking forward to gettign the rest of my pictures back from Georgia.
I'm hungry and tired.
It's 3:30am...I think I should just shut up and go to bed.
And yes I'm aware that most people that might be reading this probably don't give a damn about my dental problems, but oh well. I need to bitch about it somewhere, and I like to document things. I'm weird like that.
Frelling tooth pain sucks. I am so mad at myself. But Orajel kicks ass. Excpet that it wears off eventually. That's less good.
Ok, I'm feeling pretty tired right now. But hey, seriously now....when has that ever stopped me? I always ignore being tired. Well not anymore. On weeknights I long to be tired, cos then I can actually go to bed and fall asleep fast. But when there's something I really want to do or if I really don't have to get up early, screw tired.
And dude, I'm hungry. I know I've gained a lot of weight and I should be cutting back, but eating one meal and an apple is seriously not enough. Even if I don't do anything all day, I need more food!
Tooth pain is subsiding, so now I can yap about other issues.
My first weekend (so far) at college has taught me that I haven't really changed at all. Well internally maybe, but I haven't done anything particularly new or different, as far as interacting with people. The people Iknow that is. I haven't really talked more or been more involved. It has occured to me more to maybe try to percieve how other people percieve me here. I don't know if I'm doing a good job of it or not. I figure people percieve me much differently than I feel or thought I came accross. People, (by people, I mean the majority of people who actually notice me on this campus) probably think I either like being alone, because I'm alone so much and withdrawn sometimes, or they think there must be something awful or wrong about me since no one seems to be spending any time with me. Now I seriously doubt many people on this campus actually think about me (although at times some people or teachers seem to recognize me or my name more than I would have expected them to). But its bad that, if I do, I project the image that I want to be alone or not be with people. It's obvious to me that this is not true, but it has recently occured to me, that it's probably not as obvious to the rest of humanity.
On Thursday I went to the fencing lessons they have at the YMCA here. I almost started dance lessons. I decided it was a toss up between the two, but dance lessosn got nixed as I read more about the studio. NOt really worth going on about that, but the fencing lesson was interesting. Not a lot of people there--which I was happy about. I plan on going back next thursday. It is vaguely exciting and positive that I've talked to new people for once. Yay, talking to people.
This weekend has also slapped me in the face with the fact that I don't actually know anyone on this campus or have real relationships with anyone. Ok, yes that isn't new. But its depressing and I felt very lonely and unhappy.
Sometimes I don't feel like I have relationships with anyone outside of my family. I don't know when the last time I've connected with anyone, in anyway, was. Well, actually, I imagine that it ended some when things ended with Rob. He's basically the person that's on this campus right now that has ever known me better than anyone else on this campus now. But he doesn't talk to me anymore, nor does he give any indication that he wants to ever.
Randomly off topic-ish....
I need to remember the ideas I acquired over the summer. Live life. Don't be afraid of things. Try new things. And freaking talk more. Don't be afraid to make a food out of myself.
Change.
And get in shape! (remembering my gut and trying to find some clothes that still fit me every morning are reminders enough fo that, although I havent done anything yet to alter it).
It's almost three am.
I would've gone to bed a while ago, but I started talking to Miranda (and eventually Emrys some) on IM. Miranda's one of those who I still feel I have some kind of real relationship with. Emrys too sometimes.
Dude, I just remembered--the other night I had a dream with Rob in it. The main part I remmeber is that I was going to a guitar lesson, i dont know if I was at school or not though. Anyway I was walking to the store where my guitar lesson was (and I had a weird looking guitar case, taht had a big picture of a guitar on it or something. And even though it was obviously shaped like a guitar, it annoyed me that the picture was there blatantly telling everyone what it was) And Rob was there already, with a big weird horn. Kind of like a french horn size, but not really like one. And I was like woah, I didn't know he played an instrument. Then i was like, should I leave or somehow avoid him, cos I suspected that it might not be pleasant for him to see me. But then I remember being there next to him, but I dont remember how he reacted. Ok, thats all I remember.
I had another dream with my roommate from Georgia, Cece in it. And I think the title character fromteh show The Nanny was there too. And I think someone else I know was in it, but I forget now. Yeah I dont really remember thatdream.
It's weird how this stuff is so clear and memorable when you wake up, but then later on or the next day and its gone. I don't understand how it can fade like that.
Right now, I'm mostly-generally-worried about my tooth.
I'm looking forward to gettign the rest of my pictures back from Georgia.
I'm hungry and tired.
It's 3:30am...I think I should just shut up and go to bed.