boo on me

[ghanimasun]

I really hate science. I hate physics. I hate myself because I have no discipline and I don't know how to understand *anything* in physics. I really just hate it all. I partly hate that I'm here, because I don't deserve it and I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I haven't done anything anyway. I hate that I'm not more assertive or aggressive, but I don't feel like I can be until I know more of what's going on. It's hard to be assertive when you're completely lost.
I hate myself for feeling like this and not trying harder to understand. I hate not beign able to just figure everything out.

Comments

Knowing nothing

[girlinaroom.livejournal.com]

Hey Adrienne,

This is Christy. I have a livejournal, but I don't let anyone read it (except for Julie sometimes). However, I do look at other people's livejournals because I like the way that people write their feelings... I read your two entries today. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I feel incredibly stupid in this REU in OKlahoma. I have zero meteorology background, and even less than zero desire to learn it since I have gotten down here. I am working on a project that I don't understand with a program that I don't understand with a mentor that I usually can't understand.
I don't have any advice. I just know how you feel. I have 19 days to write this paper and I haven't started and everyone else is 5-8 pages into theirs. I feel lost in this weather world, and completely alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. I wish I were back in PA with Jim and Julie, my only two real, good friends.
If you need someone to listen to you, I do have some free time this week... you can email me at chrisnestle@incamail.com, or even call me on my cell phone at 570-337-1794. I'm willing to listen and relate, if you need it.
Hope things look up, or at least the time goes fast so that you can get your head out of there.
Christy

Re: Knowing nothing

[ghanimasun]

Christy, Thanks so much for your response. I really appreciate your offering to listen to me. I'm sorry to hear that your REU isn't going very well either. But, as you said, I know how you feel. Things are frustrating and not very interesting here as well. I am doing okay as far as other things though; I've met some pretty nice and interesting people, so at least I have that going for me. But only a few weeks left for both of us, then before we know it we'll be back at school. So at least you have something to look forward to and work for, so that you can get through your last few weeks there. I hope that at least you enjoyed some aspects of your REU...it sounds at least that you've learned that meteorology perhaps isn't the thing for you. Which is better than getting nothing out of it I guess.
I really appreciate your kindess at offering to listen to me and talk with me. I must admit its somewhat unexpected, or at least kind of out of the blue. But thats a good thing usually :) It's always nice when people can suprise you, by just being there. I don't think I'll take you up on your offer though, because I really doubt you want to hear the sagas of my stupid REU experience, and my crappy mentor, and my social issues. And I don't want to take up any of your time, as it sounds like you're busy. I am on IM a lot though, which is a more convenient for me anyway (my sn is ElsaDax). I have to reiterate though that I am somewhat suprised by this, and I am really thankful and happy for your offer.

Re: Knowing nothing

[girlinaroom.livejournal.com]

Hey Adrienne,
I know that we're not the best of friends, but I feel like I can really relate to what you're going through sometimes, at least with career stuff. I love astronomy, but I hate physics, and I still haven't really figured out what I want to do yet. And, I thought I summer REU would be great for me, but it turns out that this REU is really not for me... it makes me feel really bad because it's like they wasted a spot on me and someone with more interest could have gotten so much more out of it. I'm glad to hear that you're making friends in GA. There are people here who I am friendly with, but I don't think that I will really keep in contact with any of them. I'm generally the type of person that can only have a few friends at a time, and to try to keep in touch with all of these people would be really time-consuming. Besides, there are a few of them that I just really don't like... anyway, I hope your experience is getting better as it comes to a close. How long do you have left there? Do you have to write a paper? How long does it have to be? Don't worry about boring me with your REU sagas... if you need to get them out, I'm probably a good person to talk to because I may know exactly how you feel.