just ramblings....

I feel good and I feel kind of sad too. I don't know if I want to write about anything. Been getting ready for the party this weekend....cleaning mostly. Its very slow going though. I have so much stuff to get rid of, I really hope we can have a yard sale so I can make some money off of it. Got a few Graduation cards this week, from people I don't know or haven't seen in a long time. But I got money out of that, most of its in the bank already. We're going ot need so much money for the trip, and we really don't have that much yet. Found some old letters today while cleaning. It was stuff from college, letters and things people had sent me, a lot from Jessica, Emily, Miranda, Jonathan. Made me sad and depressed. Made me realize what a shitty ass friend I am, because there was stuff from Lauren and Natalie and Jackie in there, and it's really my fault that we lost contact I think. I honestly don't remember though. So basically I feel down because of that. Things with Travis are well though.
I feel kind of trapped. Nothing to do with any relationships, but just my situation. I don't knwo if anything can help now. Energy is not something I have anyway, so there's nothing I can do.
I am so empty. I want ot know why. I don't know why I can't feel.
I don't even feel like writing partly because it makes me think, and thats not fun or easy. It used to be.
Now I avoid everything emotional.
Why?