THURRRRRSDAY

No classes day, woo hoo!
Saw my counselor today, I think it went well. After not sitting alone at lunch, (shock, suprise!) I actually went to the gym (even more shock, suprise!). I think it kind of wore me out tho, because this evening I was feeling pretty tired.
I got a small amount of work done today, tried to make some progress, but I don't think I really did. Had to go to an appointment for my wellness class and talk to the nurse/teacher. I mentioned being depressed, and she (as has my counselor) reccomended I go see a doctor, because she said it could be because of something else too. She wants me to email her about it after I see the doctor. *sigh* I guess I'll try to do that Monday. I don't think there's anything physically making me depressed, like any kind of disease or anything, but I guess its best to check it out, and seeing a doctor won't hurt. Maybe they'll have some helpful advice to give me.
I've vaguely looked into scheduling classes for next semester, but its kind of confusing, as to what I need and what I can fit in, etc. It's annoying to try to figure out.
Also, we found out today that next semester me, Julie, Kim and her friend Kim are going to be living in an apartment next semester. It's pretty nice, and big. I hope it'll be a nice time; I think it will be. I don't think I'll feel as disconnected as I do sometimes now.
Nothing really huge happened today. I got to talk to people more often than usual. Dinner ended up not being alone too, Julie's friends sat with me, which kind of suprised me, but it was definitely nice.
Tomorow the physics people are having an equinox party at 7. Theyre just watching movies or something. I don't know if I'm going to go. I don't know if it would be worth it or fun at all. I might just end up sitting there, not talking to anyone, not being talked to and getting depressed. Then again, the LAST EVER EPISODE OF FARSCAPE is tomorow night as well. I shouldn't use tv as an excuse not to go, but its the frelling last episode EVER! (well, maybe, I'll always be hoping for another season) So I really want to be there when it's aired. I also always hold the idea in the back of my head that maybe Julie and her friends might invite me ot do something, or I could do something with her. I don't know. But the few times it seems she's actually tried to invite me places, I havent been here half the time. And then there's Farscape. I really don't want to spend the night alone as usual, but I don't know what to do. It's sad, I feel conflicted about what to do, but chances are HIGH that I will end up sitting in my room alone, bored and probably pretty unhappy.
I think tomorow I'll end up writing an entire entry about Farscape. And hopefully some other stuff as well. I'm trying my best to write every day, although I haven't really been in the mood today. I've just been feeling so blah.

grrrrr

Sometimes people frustrate the hell out of me. Especially certain people, like Emrys.
I just wrote some stuff about it, but I lost it, So i'm not going to rehash it.
Basically it's foolish of me to think he and I can ever have reasonable nice conversations about certain things. We just frustrate each other and get each other upset. I don't know or understand why he gets me so mad sometimes, I have no concept of how our relationship works. I can never tell which one of us is at all right, or if we are both just totally off base and saying things out of frustration and anger.
We just had something of a conversation (online conversations for us usually end up going south though) In which we argued or something. God sometimes he makes no frelling sense to me at all and just drives me crazy! I don't know. We both succeeded in pissing each other off, to the extent which he just left.
Even though this doesnt bother me nearly as much as it would have a while ago, it still makes me kind of depressed, and makes me feel very crappy. I don't like fighting with him, or either of us being upset, but it just happens whether or not its intended.
I have no concept of what to do about it. I don't know. Maybe our relationship isn't really meant to last. We don't seem cut out very well to be friends, we never see each other, and we drive each other up the walls sometimes. Plus we have our own separate lives now at college. Maybe we should part. I don't really want to, I like having him as a friend, and he's one of the few people I'm remotely close to anymore (as close as you can be to your exboyfriend who lives hours away and you fight with over the littlest and biggest things, and have a very frelled up relationship with).
But since he's the one that left, I'm not going to fret over it too much. I just wish I had some means of understanding this better. Of making it better.
Sometimes I feel like I never want to talk to him again, and others I can't conceive of not being friends with him. I'm somewhere in the middle at the moment.
I need some sanity.