college is just the beginning!

[ghanimasun]

I have nothing worthwhile to say. I'm just mildly bored. I don't think I'm ever going to find a job. Part of me is saying to myself that I should just try to pick a grad school to go to for the Spring semester next year and not delude myself that I will find a job with the crappy degree and nonexistant skills I have. I don't know what else to do. I don't know what I *want* to do. Maybe I should start looking for a job outside of Physics and Astronomy. But, where should I look??? I DON'T KNOW! Damn this is frustrating. They tell you to go to college so you can get a good job. But as it seems, I can't get any damn job in my field unless I go to MORE schooling, spending even MORE money that I do not have. That was what I wanted to avoid doing right away-spending more money. I wanted to make money, so I could at least feel good about myself for once; feel like I could actually make a living, support myself and live on my own. But I'm not going to have the opportunity if I can't find a half decent job. I'm so sick of being dependent on school systems for everything in my life. I view my life in terms of the different schools I went to: grade school, high school, college. I have very rarely done anything outside those institutions. Even now, a senior in college, and my living, eating and everything practical is regulated by my school. Its that or my parents. Not that I mind my parents taking care of me, but I'm finding this desire in me--I don't know where its coming from--to escape it all. I want to be on my own, because quite frankly, I don't know if I can survive without them or schools. I'd like to think I can...I mean, I'm a relatively responsible, intelligent person. I did make it through college after all (not that that was a real difficulty at my college). I should be able to work and pay my rent and live my damn life how I want to. Oh wait, there's the catch. How do I want to? What do I want to do? I don't know--I don't know because I haven't done anything. I haven't done enough to truly know what I enjoy doing. I can name some thigns I definitely do not want to do (like teach, or work in front of a computer all day every day), but that doesn't really help me. I don't want to think anymore.