School.

This is my first year ever, that I can possibly remember, in which I am not going to school. Yes this is something that a lot of people I know are going through, and its normal, and not the biggest deal. However, I want to comment on it. Because I'm noticing it. Most of my life has been school. I group the sections of my life by what school I was in. First grade school, then high school, and then college........Now what? I find myself completely lacking in any organized institution, not paying to do whatever it is I am doing, and with no money and no job. I have absolutely nothing to do. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely things I *want* to do, but as it stands now, I can't do crap. I've found it strange a bit how random things have reminded me of Lycoming and left me with a sense of loss and sadness for what I had there, that I really hadn't expected. I find myself reminiscing on things that I never found that great at the time (simple things, like eating in the cafeteria, or walking to class in all the different seasons). Even though I didn't have any great friends there, I find myself missing those casual friends that I did have. I sometimes have a longing to be back there. To continue on in that place, even though I knew then, as I do now, that I was done with it and ready to move on. But really, I missed high school and many things associated with it after four years of being there. It only makes sense that I would miss Lycoming after the four years I spent there; I spent even more time at Lyco, having lived there throughout the semester. So yes, it's not odd that I miss it. And truly, I did meet a few of the most important people of my life there. Some people that I love and that have changed me forever. I met Miranda there, who, although I don't really get to talk to very often, was such a joy for me in my first year. Jonathan, although I didn't meet him there, we shared some of our most important time together while I was in college. I also met Emrys while there, who is someone who has impacted me profusely throughout our relationship. Also Rob, who was, for a short time a very important part of my life, and who I hope can be a friend again someday. Julie was a good roommate to me, and I'm glad I was able to have such positive experiences with living with other people, especially with her. John also changed my life, but in a bit of a different way. Nonetheless, he has become important to me, although sometimes I don't understand him in the least. Of course, Travis, who is infinitely important to me. And some other people that I met in that place, who haven't affected me as much, but who I still value. I'm having memories about times with all these different people, and I've come to realize, college wasn't quite the wasteland of emotion or friends that I sometimes claim that it was. My memories and reality is proof enough that college has had a profound and deep impact on me, and my life, just much, or perhaps even more so than high school did. Honestly, this comes as somewhat of a suprise to me, because in my head I usually pegged college as less important and less valuable to me than high school was. But now that I have written this and thought about it, I can't help but admit that that's simply not true! All those people that I met! All those vast experiences that changed my life! How can I possibly deny my college experience as being so important any longer! Though it often felt like it never really did much for me, and I always wanted more, I wonder now if I could have handled any more experience or relationships than I actually did experience! I'm still feeling a bit suprised.....this is a breakthrough I hadn't expected at all. It makes so much sense now why I find myself missing that place so much. I did have a rich college experience. Granted, maybe not as rich and great as many other peoples have been, but still something that has so much impacted my life that I can only be grateful and celebrate it! Strangely this has filled me with a bit of happiness and confidence and positivity. I feel better now just basking in all my good and happy memories of college!!! I'm a little bit excited too. Ok, not that excited, but it's nice to realize all the joy I've gotten out of it. :-)
I feel like I've repeated myself a lot in this writing, but I don't care. I've needed it to get everything expressed and through this thick head of mine. I think I'm going to have to keep reminding myself that college was infact good and important to me emotionally, and socially. Because old habits are hard to break, and I have, for so long, always thought it being so much lesser to me that high school was, and so useless to me as a person. Obviously I am an idiot. And it just takes me thinking about it, through writing, to actually realize that! This isn't what I had initially intended to write about, but it's been so useful and good. Thank you Lycoming for changing and impacting me and my life so wonderfully (and so badly too, I needed that....I think). And thank you everyone who really did make my life so much better in college. I won't ever doubt the value of then and now again. (Except when I forget, and have to remind myself! But then I won't doubt it!)
Suprisingly I find myself saying......
Yay college!